February 28, 2013 · 9:59 am

Begin Again

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As the month of February draws to a close, I look back and feel extremely grateful for a full year devoted to spiritual growth. I practiced yoga and mindfulness, traveled to the West Coast, explored my next steps for starting a small farm, volunteered at Kripalu Yoga Center, and cultivated a strong sense of self-love. Thank you to the many teachers, mentors, and soul mates I met along the way.

DSCN3197The quiet and stillness of winter is comforting. Spending the days reading, writing, cooking, practicing yoga, processing with friends, and entering deep solitude is how I recharge before another season begins. On daily hikes in the woods to fill my lungs with fresh crisp air, I observe how nature emanates the same peace I seek this time of year.

DSCN3163DSCN3200A new chapter is beginning even though the foggy grey days make it hard to believe spring is on the way. In two more weeks, the goats will begin kidding and the ground will begin thawing. Although my designated “year of spiritual growth” is wrapping up, I intend to incorporate all I have learned into farming.

DSCN3237Each morning no matter how early, I intend to practice. Even if its for just five minutes before walking up to the barn, or paying attention to my breadth while bottle feeding a baby goat, or saying a blessing with my fellow farmers at the start of a new project, I commit to working from a place of connection to Source. Great Work is allowing spirit to move through us as we move through the world following our Dharma.

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February 9, 2013 · 11:11 am

Spreading my Wings

DSCN3146Snowbird is in my blood. I jump at any opportunity to go south during the cold northern winters. Just as a storm blew in, I boarded a plane to Florida for a five-day vacation.  Like a frozen item put up last summer, I lay on the beach until I was thawed from the outside all the way to my center.

DSCN3153DSCN3156There is nothing more healing than the ocean, a good book, and a close friend. Connection to the Divine Feminine is inescapable when I sit staring out at the turquoise blue water. The tide reminds me how linked my female body is to the Moon. The waves teach me the impermanence of emotions. What builds and builds must be released eventually. Wisdom grows when we let go of what is not serving us any longer.

My power animal is currently the bird. Everywhere I turned there were seagulls, pigeons, osprey, pelicans, vultures, and ibis. Watching them soar above the sea reaffirmed my decision to spread my wings and fly this January. Only a few weeks ago I stood under the Grandmother tree at Kripalu while a storm blew in bringing more snow. I said goodbye to my home for the past eight months. I asked the tree, an elegant Camper Elm, if she would guide me and protect me while I spread my wings again. As I trudged through the snow back to my car, I began to laugh and run wildly like a child. The Grandmother tree was listening, “Spread those strong wings and soar!” she roared.

IMG_5695Could it be a coincidence that just after the Winter Solstice a bald eagle swooped above my head? This powerful bird of prey represents a great spiritual awakening after a period of strife. Shortly after this incredible omen, a red tailed hawk landed on a branch above my head. My winged friends are like angels watching over me, giving me hope to move forward without getting stuck in the past.

Signing off from 30,000 feet above sea level somewhere above the Carolinas. Were the “strong wings” Grandmother Tree referred to part of a fuel guzzling airplane? Doubtful, but it’s the best us humans have figured out so far.

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February 5, 2013 · 10:56 pm

The Great Work

IMG_5644Do your work, then step back.

The only path to serenity….

He who clings to his work

Will create nothing that endures.

 If you want to accord with the Tao,

Just do your job, then let go.

-Tao Te Ching

Matthew Fox, the author of the “The Reinvention of Work,” writes about how we must do work that is based within our souls. When we start to work from our outer selves for rewards like money, benefits and bonuses, our soul dies. This is death work. Working with our inner selves is where true, honest work begins.

Allowing the Divine to move through our bodies and minds will naturally create meaningful work. There is no separation between us and the Divine.  We are ending an old era based on separation, patriarchy, industrialization, capitalism, and greed. We are entering a new era based on balancing the masculine and feminine energies, creativity, love, and healing. The Universe is not a machine with parts, the Universe is a beautiful mystery and everything is interconnected.

I invite you to allow the left side of your brain to rest for a moment. Imagine the past, prior to December 21, 2012 Solstice, as one side of an hourglass. Time and evolution moved at a different pace hundreds of years ago. What is time, anyway?

I like to imagine the past few decades as where the hourglass begins to narrow. Information and technology appeared to speed up human evolution and wreaked havoc on the environment. The Solstice represents the very narrow middle of the hourglass. It was a monumental day for reflection, inquiry, meditation, and connecting to the Source. On the shortest day of the year, I set the intention to let go of fear and doubt so that love and hope could fill my being. In order to birth the new way of being, I was willing to surrender to whatever the Universe had planned for me. I was ready. I had been preparing for this moment my whole life.IMG_6365

That day, I was tested beyond belief. Everything I thought I knew and planned for the future was tossed up into the air and fell back down in tiny pieces as if a rock was thrown into the air and it came back down as sand. Prior to the Solstice, I was wearing blinders. Fear, hopelessness, disappointment, discouragement, adultism and sexism were preventing me from fully embracing the life I was given. Those patterns were being stripped away faster than I could comprehend. I refused to internalize oppression any longer. The pain was immense and gut wrenching. I did not eat or sleep for days.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked the Divine. “I was so happy and comfortable before!”

“Yes, you were happy, Hannah. “ the Divine answered. “Wasn’t it brilliant? A taste of living based from your heart center. You opened your heart more than you have since you were a child. You were vulnerable, awake, alive, and ready. Ready to be reborn. Nobody said opening your heart would be comfortable, though. You have always been a leader and speaker of the truth. But the moment you began to settle for less than the best, I had to jolt you. You cannot settle! You have to continue living your dream and letting go of the physical and emotional baggage that does not serve you. The pain and suffering is temporary. Fortunately, you have all the tools you need to grieve, process, and move on. Now, let’s go my dear sweet one.”

The Universe is not subtle.

IMG_5880I left Kripalu in early January. My service was no longer authentic in the community. The only one I needed to serve was myself along with my big dreams. Self-care and feeding the small farm dream this winter is my highest form of service. My Great Work must come from this swirling burning fire of love from within.

The Universe pulled me forcefully.

Within the first few hours of leaving Kripalu, I went with my sister to a café. I shared my shock from the abrupt change that jolted my world since the Solstice. After a few minutes of “kvetching” (Yiddish for “complaining”), Aravinda walked into the café. Aravinda is the daughter of Satyena, the founder of Starseed Sanctuary, where I spent the Solstice. Starseed has invited me to join their community and expand their gardens to provide more food for the retreat center.

“Let’s talk farm!” Aravinda said with so much enthusiasm, I couldn’t help but think, Oh, I get it. This is why the Universe has tugged me so ruthlessly. This is exactly where I am meant to be in this moment.

Dreams do come true. A year ago I was exploring my dream of starting a small farm with a community of people. A fellow colleague suggested I find an already established retreat center/community where I could start the small farm.

 Thank you for listening, Universe.

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December 22, 2012 · 11:03 am

Birthing the New World 12.21.12

IMG_6370I woke to my alarm at 4:45 a.m. By 5 a.m., a friend and I were in my car heading north to Starseed, a spiritual sanctuary (and hopefully small farm this spring) where we gathered with 25 people to honor the Winter Solstice.

The Solstice falls on what Alma Gloria Temaj Morales, a Mam Maya spiritual guide from Guatemala says is “the end of the Oxlajuj Baktun cycle, the end of the ‘long-count’ calendar that finishes up a 5,129-year cycle in the Mayan calendar.

The ancient Maya people were master astrologers and timekeepers, tracking the stars and planets and developing a cyclical calendar. The Mayan calendar predicts an alignment of the planets on December 21, 2012.

In the words of Alma Temaj, “In the Maya cosmovision, time is cyclical. Today, the long-count calendar culminates and planets align. It is not the end of the world, but the change of cycles, a new era, a new beginning. For us Maya, it’s the beginning of a cultural revolution that will enable us to recover our identities, traditions, and cultures. Spiritually, the change in cycles means a renewing of energies. Across Guatemala we are holding ceremonies and making offerings to mark the end of the old cycle and to receive the new era.”

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Back in the Berkshires of Massachusetts, the wind howled with rage that could be felt deep inside my bones. Is this rage mine or is it Mother Earth’s? As we climbed elevation, rain turned to snow. The roads turned to ice and my car tried its best to grip the pavement below. My stomach tightened into a knot. I began to shake in fear.

“We might not make it,” I said doubtfully to my companion in the passenger seat. He remained calm and replied, “We can turn around if you don’t feel safe, but I want you to know I am very confident in your driving skills.”

How quickly doubt and fear sneak into my mind! No, we will persevere, I decided. “We’ve come this far,” I said. “We may as well keep going until we cannot go any further.”

For the last few miles of our journey, the car moved forward with confidence and safely carried us to our destination. It was as if we were being pulled on a long rope. I believe the loving energy from the people who sang together to honor the Solstice were actually pulling us to them. We arrived at 6:11 a.m., exactly when the Sun moved into Capricorn and the planets aligned in a New Way.

DSCN2914“Welcome! Welcome Home.” The circle of light bearers greeted us as we entered the meditation room. After we each lit a candle to signify our eternal light within, we joined in uplifting song. The darkness lifted and the snow covered trees became visible with each minute of returning light.

We sat in silence, listening to our Mother’s song outside. The wind blew threw the chimes. The rain pattered on the glass windows. The delicate blue light of dawn crept in by the time we opened our eyes. We sounded OM three times and bowed our heads to our hearts, honoring the light within. Our hands gripped one another’s like beads on a necklace as we circled around the breakfast table to say Grace. We broke delicious bread. Gratitude and nourishment filled our bodies.

Together we celebrated the Birthing of a New World.

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December 17, 2012 · 5:27 pm

Living Based on Love

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It is incredibly rewarding to practice empowerment through self-love. When I set up my life to go well by balancing my mind, body, and spirit, everything else goes smoothly. My stress levels go down, I smile more, my digestion is powerful, my neck and shoulders relax, and I rarely get headaches.

In addition to feeling healthy, strong, and at ease, I also have more energy to give to my community. I engage in meaningful conversations, I show up to work ready to serve, and I am motivated to keep in touch with old friends.

IMG_7313Trusting my inner wisdom has brought me to another major form of self-care: Herbalism. As many of you know, local food has been a focus of mine for the last few years. I have worked on several farms learned enough skills to eventually have my own farm in the future. Still unsure exactly what kind of farm that may be and also because Western Mass is becoming saturated with small farms, I took a break from that field.

I came to Kripalu to tap into a deep vein in hope of finding some direction for my future. I found instant community, sahdna (a personal practice), and love. It’s reassuring to know that as long as I trust myself and follow my heart, I will find exactly what I am searching for.

As I enter the last few months of my time at Kripalu, I struggle to stay present. Even though I constantly remind myself how much I have to be grateful for in this community, I can’t stop thinking about the future. After weeks of being hard on myself for what I thought was living too much in the future, a friend said, “Hannah, you’re just ready to move on and follow your path.” Giving myself permission to begin again feels hopeful and true. I am ready to fly the nest and build my own nest somewhere else.

IMG_7338_2Come early March, my sweetie and I will move closer to the Pioneer Valley. I will apprentice with an Herbalist, which will tie in beautifully with my Life Coach Certification. I am also collaborating with a group of people to start a small farm half way between Kripalu and Northampton.

My dreams are coming true. I am not going to give up and let fear or discouragement rule the show. The world needs me. The world needs all of us. Let go of what is getting in your way of living your dream and don’t look back. Stay grounded. Walk and lay on the Earth to feel the pulse of our planet. We must unite as one unit of Love during this Great Shift.

Let 12.21.12 be the transition from fear based living to Love.

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October 24, 2012 · 11:45 am

Mushroom Mania

The months of September to October are primetime for mushroom hunting. Chicken of the woods, hen of the woods, chanterelles, coral, oysters and puffballs are treasures beneath the canopy.

Foraging for these beauties means slowing down to observe the forest. What kind of trees are growing and how big are they? Is it dense, dark, and wet, or open, light, and airy? When was the last rain? How does it smell? Sometimes you can even smell when fungus is growing especially after a good long rain.

Using all of our senses while in the forest is an enlivening experience. It is a chance to practice our primal instincts. My ears perk up to rustles in the leaves as a squirrel buries its acorns. Slight shifts in the wind raise the hair on my body. Soft moist moss cools my internal heat from hiking up hill. I can simply turn my head in any direction to see what is above, below, behind and in front of me. My sharp vision and ability to zoom in and out allows me to change my depth perception.

This is why it is called mushroom hunting. Engaging all five senses in the woods is what humans have done since the beginning of our existence. It is how we found sustenance and escaped from danger. When I find an edible mushroom, my brain fills with chemicals that bring ecstatic bliss. My face transforms from serious focus to smiling joy. I often cannot hold back laughter. I have found treasure!

The grey/brown mushroom above is Hen of the Woods. This is one mushroom of 15 that I harvested. Each weighs between 3 and 8 pounds. That’s a lot of mushroom!

Once I have gathered more than I can eat or share with friends, I deliver the bounty to restaurants that support the local food economy. I am now exchanging a material with value. Nature’s generous gift has become a desirable product with a market price attached. I feel resourceful to be using my primal instincts of foraging and business skills at the same time.

Honoring the earth for providing our sustenance is key. When I forage, I always ask the plant or mushroom’s permission. I only take what feels appropriate and leave the rest for bugs and newts to enjoy. If the treasure is on private property, I ask the owner if I can harvest there.

Last week I passed up 15 pounds of Chicken of the Woods (the golden orange shelf mushroom seen in the these photos) because the property owner felt we ought to leave them for their beauty. It wasn’t easy to leave over $100 worth of bounty. But, I respected his decision and felt better about it in the end. Greed has caused most of the damage in the world today. Rather than betraying my neighbor, I took lots of photos to share with you all.

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October 3, 2012 · 4:02 pm

Gentle Transition to Fall

Change is a constant in life. If I have any resistance to change, life gets hard. There has been much change since the middle of August when I last wrote.  I decided to extend my commitment to Kripalu for another six months. I changed departments so I will spend the winter working inside with a group of 10 amazing women instead of outside with mostly men. I moved to a new room, which I share with a dear friend. I stopped eating fresh leafy greens and now I load my plate with squash, potatoes, cooked kale and soups. I spend more time alone cultivating a practice that nourishes me to build up my reserves for winter.

On September 22, a friend and I attended an Autumnal Equinox celebration at Starseed Sanctuary, a healing center in Savoy, MA.  After dinner, several of us gathered in a small room called the Chapel.  We smudged ourselves with sage and lit candles. Each candle signified the changes we want to embrace in our lives in order to create a more sustainable future on this planet. A common theme was letting go of fear and doubt in order to welcome more hope and love into our lives.

After we each voiced our intentions to the circle, we walked with rhythmic rattles down to a pile of rocks in a field that were piled on the Spring Equinox last March. They signify the power of love we want to infuse in the birthing of a new world on the Winter Solstice December 21, 2012. A shaman placed a drop of Somali Rose Oil onto each rock that we held before placing it into the pile. The sweet smell of the oil penetrated our sense organs so deeply that a woman next to me shouted out in pleasure, “Ooohhwee! That’s love right there!”

We chanted inside this circle to send our prayers to the higher powers. As we walked back to the Chapel, I felt compelled to open my palms up as if I was to receive a gift. Immediately after taking this receptive position, raindrops delicately landed on my palms. By the time we reached our destination, the heavens opened up. We listened to the rain pummel the tin roof overhead. Our closing circle became silent because nobody could talk over the sound above us. The spirits answered our prayers and applauded us for setting such powerful intentions that evening. “Encore! Encore!” we yelled together.

The fall reaping has been bountiful. From the Kripalu vegetable garden I helped begin this summer, we harvested Asian greens, herbs, tomatoes, and beets for the kitchen. From the old apple orchard on the property, we gathered about 30 gallons of apples to press for cider. Even though I am not working on a farm this season, I still find ways to stay connected to the growing seasons.

May you have a gentle transition into fall.

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August 17, 2012 · 6:33 pm

Dharma

Dharma is that which upholds, supports or maintains the regulatory order of the universe. It is a duty rooted in justice, social harmony and human happiness. Many religions believe that beings living in accordance with dharma proceed more quickly toward personal liberation.

I have always felt that growing food to share with my community is part of my dharma. I want to be a leader and educator about the importance of local food systems. Having worked on several farms since college, I came to Kripalu to take a step back from the fields and ask myself what are my next steps regarding my passion for food production? Where am I needed? I know I am on this planet to do more than farm labor.

It is clear since arriving at Kripalu almost four months ago that the path I am on is exactly where I belong. We have grown a very successful garden here and now we are teaching classes for guests about the intersection of yoga and gardening. I am discovering part of my dharma is to teach people about the interconnection between cultivating deep love for ourselves in order to be strong warriors for the planet.

I did not expect to be doing any gardening this season at a yoga center, but my supervisor is very supportive of creating more food gardens and wildflower fields so there is less lawn. My skills and interests are being incorporated into my seva (service), which feels really rewarding. The staff and guests greatly appreciate the fresh produce as well.

When I am not gardening, I am landscaping (not my dharma). As I mow lawns, weed-wack slopes, and mulch flower beds, my thoughts are elsewhere. The blaring hum of the small motors in my possession allow for deep personal inquiry. I block out all outside noise. I begin to dream of the future. What do I want? Where will I create my home?

Yes, Home. Gardens. Blueberries. Hammock. Cat. Dog. Chickens. Goats. Partner. Kitchen. Woodstove.

 Right now, sitting on my bunk in a dorm with 15 other women makes this dream feel awfully distant. Even though I am practicing how to be grateful and content in the present, I yearn for more.

The breeze outside brings cooler air, which, to me, means change. Over the next six months I am going to put every doubt and fear aside. I am going to wake up from the grogginess late summer lays over us with heat and humidity. I am going to prepare for my next steps in making my dreams of a home come true. Hopefully, my work and home life is in alignment with my dharma because when I am leading from my heart, everything else falls into place.

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July 21, 2012 · 11:58 am

Manifesting our Dreams

photo by John Trimarchi

The five of us piled into my station wagon with trays of heart shaped pizza and vegan, gluten free cookies. The air was stagnant and humid so I rolled up the windows and blasted the A/C for a bit of relief. After working a full day under the hot sun, I deserved to be comfortable for our 45-minute ride to rural northwestern Massachusetts.

Destination: a small healing center run by a woman in her 60’s with the help of her daughter and her daughter’s fiancé. Our dinner with these three lovely people was the beginning of what could be a very exciting project. They are looking for stewards of the land who share the dream of living in community while building a sustainable farm and sanctuary for deep healing and connection with the Earth. My friends and I are exploring the idea of joining with open hearts and calm minds.

After a delicious meal, we ironed out our intentions of coming together. We climbed the red-carpeted stairs up to the meditation room where we found back-jacks in a circle around a green unlit candle and four crystals. Each of us smudged ourselves in burning sage then sat upright for a deep meditation clearing the air for the next hour. I felt my body planted onto the ground with my heart rising. The universe has put me, yet again, exactly where I belong. Gratitude filled my entire being.

We each shared our heart’s desires, our visions, and why we value living in a community. Words sounded out of my mouth as if some greater force was speaking. My thoughts were clear, simple, and true. Everyone’s messages created one large cohesive vibration in the room. Although I sat still, the room was humming with excitement.

After each person spoke, I felt my cup getting more and more full. Will it spill over? What happens when we all connect on a greater level than deemed imaginable? It feels as if I have known this group forever even though I met the four friends I drove with three months ago and we only just met the others an hour earlier. We spoke the same language, breathed the same air, and shared the same vision.

After the meeting, we hugged and said goodnight. The laughter and smiles were contagious. I walked into the dark night with more hope for the future than ever before. Could this land be the place I am called to set down roots after my time at Kripalu? Anything is possible…

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June 18, 2012 · 9:27 pm

New Moon Summer Solstice

I told you I wouldn’t be able to stay away from farming. Even at the yoga center, I spend most days outside digging in the dirt, picking flowers, planting gardens, weeding, mowing, and working on my farmer’s tan.

The Kripalu Grounds Team has put my skills to good use by providing the means to put in a vegetable garden. The corn is already 10 inches tall. The tomatoes need a second line of trellis to support their lush green growth. The zucchini are growing ½ an inch per day. The cucumbers out lived the beetles.

Everything has been going really well, except that the broccoli, cabbage, and kale have been bait for the rabbits and groundhogs. Finally, the yogi in me surrendered by taking off the small cages that were protecting the plants while announcing, “Have at it!” to the critters. We can’t win all the battles. But, it’s not over yet. The fence will be installed tomorrow to discourage any further feasting.

One day a week I make my way over to the beloved goat farm to muck the barn and hoe in between the rows of a garden without critter problems. Susan’s bok choi and lettuce heads are already enormous. She’s harvesting from her second succession of salad greens. And, the raspberries promise to be in abundance by late summer.

I feel it is such an honor to spend time at the goat farm. Looking back I can see how much I’ve grown since my first ever blog post in the spring of 2009, “First Training at Rawson Brook Farm.” It is heart warming to know I am always welcome there.

The combination of karma yoga practice, earth based service, healthy fresh meals, and a loving community brings me so much happiness and contentment. This summer promises to be bountiful. Living life from my heart and letting go of fear has only brought me to more and more beautiful places.

Happy Summer!!!

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