The wind woke me this morning, howling through the towering pines. Wind signifies change. The holidays are over. The New Year is here. The full moon in Cancer was full of emotions and brought me to a place I don’t usually like to go, deep aching sadness and grief. Every winter during these dark cold days and nights I naturally creep back into the darkness of my soul.
Who am I really? What is my purpose for the limited time I have on Earth? Am I doing enough? The questions pose very little reassurance during the season of darkness. I am choosing to remain curious about these inquiries rather than distract myself with work and social gathering.
I am like a seed underground waiting patiently for that far away day when I can germinate. Until then, I wait. What can I learn from this practice of Being rather than Doing? I am learning to let go of the grip I have on myself to always be productive.
But, what about all those emails to respond to and the ever- lengthening “to do” list? I think I just heard my phone ring, or was that a text? Breathe. It can wait.
With all the opportunities to engage with cell phones and computers, I have equal opportunities to say, “no,” and instead, I can just be.
There goes my phone again!
I focus on my fingertips hitting the keys of my computer. The clock ticking behind me. The snow melting off the roof outside my window. The low hanging sun breaking through the curtain. The howl of the wind reminding me that change is inevitable.
With every breadth my consciousness shifts a bit. I am leaving the land of ego and heading towards acceptance. My focus changes entirely. All I see and feel is gratitude and humbleness. I am grateful for the time I spent with family over the holidays. I am especially grateful that my 95 year-old Grandfather spent Christmas with us. I begin to cry thinking of what a gift that is to spend time with him. My tears come from a place of gratitude and love, which is different from before, when they came from feeling incompetent and scared.
I am humbled every time I say “no” to distraction and “yes” to the present moment.
“As each women realizes her power, she transforms the world.” -Patrice Wynne