This post was inspired by a dream I had last night in which I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl. I held her and she was precious, innocent, pure. The love I felt was so pure I could not imagine feeling any other way about her. When I woke from the dream, I realized this baby girl was probably me, since we’re usually working out something about ourselves in dreams no matter who the people appear to be. What if I felt this pure love toward myself, I wonder? What would the world look like if each of us loved ourselves and one another the way we love innocent newborns fresh from the womb?
Enough of this scarcity mentality that reinforces those beliefs that “you are not enough,” “only if you do this then you can get that,” you would have it all if you were better at….”
This structure of sabotaging beliefs are false and come from a society rooted in male domination and capitalism. There is actually no end goal to be reached when everything will be just dandy and all your dreams come true based on your performance. I don’t know what happens after death, but I do know that heaven can exist right here right now on Earth. Everything is a choice.
What if we already do have it all?
What if there is nothing to prove?
What if everything in your life is a gift that deserves to be recognized?
Last night I posted two photos of myself on social media. I very rarely post photos of myself because:
1) I don’t want to be that woman (judgement of you, therefore judgment of self)
2) I’m not photogenic (old line of shame I use when I don’t want my pic taken)
3) Fear of really being seen because I may not be what you want to see
4) Only super pretty girls do that and I’m only kind of pretty (if you get me at the right angle)
5) I’m not an attention seeker. I’m above all that and I don’t seek your approval to feel good about myself (bullsh*t – I have insecurities, clearly)
The photos are out there because I wanted to show more of myself to you. I want to learn to love all parts of me. I am thinking about the yin and yang inside of me and want to let go of my insecurities around being seen.
Yin and Yang are the parts that complete the whole. Yin can be interpreted as receptive, watery, wondering, being, that inner place we go to when we daydream. It’s often referred to as the feminine, but our society has placed so many negative associations with being feminine if you are a male that I am careful with this word. We all have both yin and yang qualities.
Yang can be interpreted as active, fire, doing, outward energy we put toward getting stuff done. It has been referred to as masculine energy, but again, careful, because of what society has deemed wrong with being too masculine as a woman or not masculine enough as a man. We’ve got some healing to do here as a culture that is founded on the patriarchy.
Yin and yang are not binaries or opposites as the English language attempts to relay, they are part of the whole and we need both. We cannot know darkness without light, calm without chaos, movement without inactivity, silence without noise.
How can I fully accept my non-conforming habits and desires with all the messages whirling around women to be sweet, kind, nurturing, smart but not too smart, funny but not offensive, and athletic but only to be slim for men to like my body? I realized how much I judge various parts of me as too feminine or too masculine. Even as a CIS gender heterosexual white woman, I struggle to remember I am whole and enough.
After a walk to clear my head yesterday, I sat down next to my cousin who said to me without even knowing where my thoughts had been (because women are usually pretty damn psychic), “Hannah, I can never really describe you to my friends. You’re just you. The moment I think I know everything about you, I learn something I never would have imagined.”
As a young girl I loved physical activity, sports, pushing myself to the limits and doing “boy things.” Whatever that means. I also loved snuggling with my mama, playing dress up and painting my nails. At some point I had to decide which way to go for society to accept me as woman. Instead of conforming, I listened to my heart and chose to ignore those voices as best I could and do whatever it takes to BE ME.
It ain’t easy! I get off course, lost, forget, and end up in places I’d rather not be. This year for me is about Homecoming. I bought a house as a single woman with a vision for gardens, healing, community, peace, rest, and belonging. I am learning what is truly means to come home to myself. Who is Hannah, really? I can never fully know, that’s the beauty of the Great Mystery, but I am always open to discovering more and more. And, right now, I know, I am enough. I am completely whole, pure, and lovable the way a baby is when she is born.
I strongly urge us to be who we are, without caring constantly about what others may think. No one really is watching, and if they are, who cares? I fully embrace the “masculine” and “feminine” qualities which I refer to as Yin and Yang. There just ain’t one without the other. Each one makes a whole. Have love and compassion for all parts of you. Be true to you. Get sh*t done then take a bubble bath. You deserve to know the REAL YOU. We all do. Show us. Show us your darkness and light.
What we are looking for is already inside. It’s all right here waiting to be acknowledged. Wholeness is achieved when we love all parts of ourselves. Don’t identify too much with any of the parts of you that you uncover because we’re always changing. Be open to the transformations.
Who would you be if you didn’t care so much about what others think?
Who would you be if you didn’t put yourself into a box and tie a rope to the wall so you’d never leave it?
Who are you, no part left out?
Who are you when you believe you can fully embrace all of you?
You already have it all. You were born with it. Life is about remembering all we have forgotten since birth. Take off the masks and dance in the moonlight until dawn if that is who you are! Cheers to releasing binaries and calling in being, belonging, and wholeness.
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PS: Join me on the Journey to Wholeness! I’m offering a series of workshops at my home this spring and fall. Learn more & apply online at sweetbirchherbals.com