Metamorphosis

Like a caterpillar going into metamorphosis, I have been through a major transformational moment in life. This recap of 2018 emulates the power of trust, dreaming big, and choosing to say, “Yes, I am whole and completely worthy.”

Nine months ago on the Spring Equinox I wrote in my journal that I wanted to buy a home. I didn’t take the thought all that seriously, or get attached. From where I stood at the time, this dream seemed a long way away. Business was cruising, the gardens were blossoming and I liked my rental situation, enough. 

Six months ago on the Summer Solstice I shared this vision of a home and land with a friend in the Tulsi beds while we made a flower essence. Life got super rocky after that and everything about my housing situation combusted. “Be careful what you wish for,” rang loud in my ears.

The tides had shifted and psychic healers warned me about a major transformation taking place that would only lead me closer to my heart. Even while my heart carried deep pain and grief, I refused to close down and say, “Why is this happening to me?” Instead, I saw it as my heart breaking open while asking, “Why is this happening for me?”

On the Fall Equinox I visited a house in Ashfield that a friend told me about that wasn’t on the market yet. I made an offer, negotiations began, and no realtors involved, the closing took place on the Winter Solstice.

Any doubts I had about the power of intention are now gone. As a single female deciding to buy a house, there were many fears and hesitations. It felt way to fast and risky, but there was a strong current underneath the fear that I could not ignore.

Walking with open palms each day, pouring water in the garden for the ancestor guides, filling out piles of paperwork for the bank and lawyer, writing enormous checks –  this current was a force I could not argue with. Everything about the home fit my wish list. Everything. This fate could not be ignored. I had to listen to the call of this home, to my heart.

This morning, I look out over the hills as snow falls from the sky blanketing land which I now “own” and feel so much gratitude.  I put “own” in quotations because despite how society views land as property which can be bought and sold, I do not believe the Earth can be owned. The first thing I did upon arriving to “my” house was offer tobacco to the land and share:

“I do not own you. I release all ownership that has come before me and that comes after me. I am here to listen, learn, and be of service to you, land. I am sorry for the way we treat you, please forgive us.”

Immediately I felt a sense of relief in my body and the land. It was like centuries of tension began to soften. The “property” and I were meeting on equal ground. The more I surrendered to the land, the more I felt held by her. This is called being in relationship with land. I look forward to our evolution together in hopefully many years to come.

I call her Moon Castle. Inside this snow globe I am grateful for the many hands and hearts who made this “purchase” and transition possible.

• The friends who lifted all the heavy boxes of glass jars
• The family who believes in me
• The wood from local loggers that burns in the stoves
• The clean water that runs from the well
• The fire that warms the hearth
• The housemates who share this space with me
• The food that fills my belly
• The kittens who are tumbling around pulling Christmas ornaments off the tree
• The forests, fields, barn and stream that have been here way longer than me
• The chickens for living outside all year even in this blizzard and still laying eggs
• The music and dance parties already had and more to come
• The skilled professionals I call on to paint, install, repair and maintain the home
• The perfect cozy space for my business where I can operate from
• The willingness to listen and say yes

What did I learn from this wild ride known as 2018?  I learned to deepen my trust of myself, first and foremost. From there, I surrendered to a force much stronger than myself. I opened to the mystery. I listened to my heart. I learned never ever give up on my dreams. When my dreams are in right alignment with the health of our planet, they will be supported in more ways than I can ever begin to imagine.

Thank you, 2018 and welcome 2019!